


The Last Idiot To Know

by wrenrouge



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: It's mostly just Kuroo being the idiot though, M/M, Romance, idiots to lovers, implied bokuaka, implied daisuga, implied tsukkiyama, implied yakulev - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:43:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrenrouge/pseuds/wrenrouge
Summary: Kuroo thinks himself a romance connoisseur; he knows when two people are in love and knows how to get them together. He's an expert on love, until he isn't. Meanwhile, Kenma suffers.orThe one where Kuroo can get multiple couples together but lacks the ability to realize his own feelings for his best friend of 10 years. A story in five parts.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 32
Kudos: 266
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics, Work's I've Finished





	The Last Idiot To Know

**Author's Note:**

> This was for kuroken day, but I didn't finish in time because I was too busy thinking about...kuroken. Anyway, I'm finally done, so I hope y'all will enjoy. ;v;

I. 

Kuroo prides himself on being an expert on the topic of romance. He's done his research, he's studied the techniques. Granted, his proficiency in the language of love came mostly from romance novels, but STILL, he knew exactly what he was doing when he decided two people were meant to be together. 

"Yakkun is really into Lev, did you know that?" Kuroo tells Kenma one day, while they're splayed on the floor of Kenma's room. "I'm gonna do something about it." 

"That's a terrible idea." Kenma says, not looking up from his game. "You're gonna get scratched."

"Worth it, if it means I no longer have to deal with their excessive pining." 

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

Kuroo looks over at Kenma, giving him a cheeky smile, before reaching out to ruffle his hair, "I appreciate you looking out for me, but this has to get done."

"You're impossible." says Kenma as he tries to escape Kuroo's grasp, but Kuroo's smile just gets wider. 

Yaku was minding his own business one day during practice, when Kuroo decides to strike and pulls him aside to talk. 

"Yakkun" 

"Kuroo." 

Kuroo gives him one of his sleaziest smiles and Yaku just knows he's going to regret this talk. 

"What do you want now?" 

"I was just thinking," Kuroo begins, putting his hands on his hips, "That Lev is really improving under your mentorship. I think the fact that he's so close to you is making him more motivated." 

"Okay, but what does that have to do with anything?" Yaku says, not taking the bait. 

"Don't you think it's possible that there's something there?" 

Yaku gives him a perplexed expression. "Something there? I'm not understanding." 

Kuroo rubs the back of his neck with his hand, mulling over what to say next, "I'm just saying, he seems to really like you. Wouldn't you like to explore that a bit more, Yakkun?" 

Yaku's eyes widen, as something clicks in his head, "Are you implying that Lev has a crush on me?" 

"Absolutely, and you like him back." Kuroo says, a sleazy smile returning to his features. 

"N-no I don't!" 

"You totally do." 

"But how?" 

Kuroo looks at how Yaku is struggling with the concept of being read like a book for liking Lev. "It's how you look at him. It's sweet. You should tell him." 

"But what if—" 

"He likes you back." Kuroo interrupts, effectively shutting down Yaku's fears. 

"How do you even know that?" Yaku says folding his arms over his chest.

"He told me." Kuroo lies.

"He didn't." 

"Yes he did." Kuroo lies harder. "Tell you what, talk to him tonight and see where it goes." Yaku looks about ready to cry as Kuroo pats his shoulder, "There's no harm in trying."

"I'm gonna regret this." 

"You're not. Trust me." 

It is in that moment that Lev barges into their conversation, "Yaku-san, can you help me with my receives?" He asks, handing Yaku a ball. 

Yaku sputters, but agrees and takes the offered ball, before dragging Lev back to the court. Kuroo just watches them retreat and gives them his blessing. 

He wakes up to one text from Yaku. All it said was "asshole," but that was enough for him to know that his meddling had worked. Kuroo's assumption is proven true when at morning practice, Yaku and Lev bashfully walk into the clubroom hand in hand. 

Kuroo mentally pats himself on the back as he watches them come in, ignoring Yaku's death glare. 

"Told you it was worth it." Kuroo later tells Kenma. They're lying in bed, Kenma laying on his stomach on top of Kuroo, a usual occurrence when they're together.

"You got lucky." Kenma responds, pressing the buttons on his console.

Kuroo pats Kenma's butt, "Still worth it." 

Kenma glares at him for the butt pat, and Kuroo just laughs. 

II.

They're at a practice match with Fukurodani when Kuroo decides to strike again. 

Akaashi, his unsuspecting victim, just came out of the supply closet, when Kuroo pulls him aside. 

"What is it Kuroo-san?" 

Kuroo gives him a devious grin and Akaashi feels like a fly caught in a web. "So you and Bokuto." Kuroo's grin grows even wider.

"What about me and Bokuto-san?"

"I feel like you know where I'm going with this, Akaashi." 

Akaashi looks at Kuroo, suppressing the need to hurt him. He will not give him the satisfaction of being right. "I do not."

"Suit yourself, but you're breaking Bokuto's heart the more you stay quiet about it." Kuroo warns, "Besides, why deny your happiness when it's right in front of you." Kuroo points at Bokuto, hooting proudly at the fact that he has two balls under his shirt, Komi cackling with glee in the background. 

Kuroo leaves Akaashi stewing in thought. He would feel bad, but he knows he's done his role for the greater good, the greater good being his friends' happiness. 

"Why did you pull Akaashi aside after the match?" Kenma asks on the train ride back to Nekoma. He's playing a game on his phone, but he's listening all the same. 

"Love affairs." 

Kenma looks over at Kuroo, "Again?"

"I just felt the need to intervene is all," Kuroo says nonchalantly. "Bokuto's too much of an idiot to confess so I'm hoping by messing with Akaashi, something might happen." 

"You're gonna get killed at this rate." 

"It would be an honorable death." 

Kenma stays quiet before putting away his phone and leaning against Kuroo, laying his head on his shoulder. 

"Tired?" Kuroo asks, putting his arm around Kenma, a natural reflex at this point. 

Kenma nods before closing his eyes, "Wake me up when we get there."

Kuroo smiles softly as he watches Kenma drift off to sleep, tightening his grip on his shoulder for good measure. 

The rest of the team watch the scene in front of them. They've seen this happen enough times that they're used to seeing their captain and setter being very intimate with each, so they don't comment, but then Kuroo kisses a sleeping Kenma's head without prompting, and they hold their breath because they're not sure what's going on anymore. 

"Are they...you know...?" Taketora whispers to Fukunaga, who is just as wide-eyed about it as the rest of them. 

Fukunaga shrugs at the vague question, because if there's anything he's learned, it's that Kuroo and Kenma are both enigmas that are even more puzzling when put together. He'd rather not deal with it, so he looks away. 

The next morning, Bokuto sends Kuroo a barrage of texts. Apparently Akaashi finally confessed his feelings and Bokuto couldn't stop screaming about it. Kuroo grins at his phone screen, happy that his friends are finally together. He tucks his phone away to get ready to go wake up Kenma at his house.

III. 

Kuroo's known Tsukishima was into his freckled best friend since their first practice match. Tsukki might deny it, but Kuroo isn't an idiot, he knows love when he sees it. 

"Tsukki's my next target," he tells Kenma on the walk to practice. They're having a practice match with Karasuno that day and he's thinking about the best way to catch Tsukki off guard. 

"You're really gonna die this time," Kenma admonishes. 

"Me? Die? Have some faith in me, Kenma. I know what I'm doing." 

"I wish that were true." Kenma huffs and Kuroo can't help but laugh. 

"So Tsukki, how was the match?" Kuroo says after cornering Tsukishima as he's drinking water. 

"We lost." Tsukishima says matter-of-factly. 

"And don't you forget it." Kuroo says, putting his hands on his hips. 

"Ah, I probably will." Tsukishima says, giving him the fakest smile Kuroo has ever seen on the kid to date. 

Kuroo only grins, "So you and freckles," he starts, changing the subject. "When are you going to tell him?" 

Tsukishima stops smiling, instead giving Kuroo a look of annoyance, "What are you talking about?"

Kuroo folds his arms over his chest, "You like him, don't deny it." 

"I'm denying it right now." Tsukishima stands up straighter. 

"Why? I think it's sweet. There's nothing wrong with liking your best friend." Kuroo says, standing his ground. "He seems to like you too." 

"Kuroo-san, please—"

"Talk to him, I think he would like to know about your feelings for him."

Tsukishima just stares, contempt in his eyes, before Yamaguchi bounds toward them. "Tsukki! Come help us take down the net." 

Kuroo smirks, "Yeah, Tsukki, go be a good teammate." 

Tsukishima gives him a venomous glare before following Yamaguchi toward the other Karasuno first years. Kuroo watches and mentally pats his back for planting the seed. 

They're watching a replay of a game when Kenma brings it up. "So did Tsukki ever get with his friend?" 

"I haven't heard from him in two days, I'm not quite sure." Kuroo admits. 

"Well, at least you're not dead." says Kenma, as a player on the screen sets the ball. 

Kuroo watches as another player spikes the ball to the other side of the net. "And all this time, I thought you didn't care." 

"You know that's not true." 

A lazy grin spreads on Kuroo's face, "Yeah, I know," he says, bumping his shoulder with Kenma's. "I know you care." 

Kenma just leans in closer. 

They spend the rest of the night watching playthroughs, before falling asleep tangled together in Kenma's bed. 

When Kuroo wakes up the next morning, he's received a text from Tsukishima. It only says 'Thanks.' and Kuroo huffs a laugh, not wanting to wake Kenma up. 

  
  


IV.

Kuroo's pretty close with Karasuno's captain. He talks to him regularly enough that he's noticed a pattern: Daichi won't stop name dropping Sugawara into his conversations. 

"I think Daichi's in love with Suga-chan." Kuroo tells Kenma one night during a sleepover at Kenma's house. 

"You're gonna make it your problem, aren't you?" Kenma says from underneath his blankets.

"Naturally." 

"I'm done warning you, just be safe." 

"Thanks for the blessing." Kuroo snorts, before silence fills the room. It's not an uncomfortable silence, it's never been so when they're together, but Kuroo can't help but think. 

"Kenma." 

Kenma hums from underneath his blankets, letting Kuroo know he's listening. 

"Would you ever consider being with someone?" 

Kenma uncovers himself from his blanket nest, "I considered it once and it felt like a hassle, so I've decided not to think about it again." 

"Oh yeah? You've had a crush before then?" Kuroo teases, "Who?"

"I don't want to talk about it." 

"Oho, but I do. Who's had the honor of winning prickly Kenma over?" Kuroo's intrigued now, though he also feels his insides churn with something he doesn't quite understand. _It must be gas_ , he thinks, shrugging it off. 

"They're an idiot, so I'm not saying anything," was Kenma's response. 

Kuroo gets up from his futon, climbing into Kenma's bed to pester him, "Oh come on, I'm dying to know." 

"Die then." Kenma says, making room for Kuroo under the covers. 

"You don't mean that." 

"I don't mean that." 

They're effectively under the covers, Kuroo grinning at Kenma's petulance, "Will you ever tell me?"

"Maybe someday." Kenma finally says after a period of thinking. 

"I'm looking forward to that day." 

"I'm not." 

Kuroo only chuckles, "You're such a pain." 

They're at another training camp when Kuroo decides to make Daichi's life a living hell. 

"So Sawamura, how's life treating you today?" Kuroo says to Daichi after a captain's meeting. 

Daichi's face darkens, knowing full well Kuroo wants to mess with him, "What do you need, Kuroo?" 

"Me? I don't need anything, though, you might." 

Daichi rolls his eyes, "What can I possibly need, stop being so vague."

Kuroo only grins, "I thought you might need a little push in the right direction," he says pointing toward Sugawara, who's laughing about something with Asahi in the background. 

Daichi opens his mouth, before closing it, and then opens it again, "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Oh come on Sa'amura, your face literally lights up the minute you say or hear Suga-chan's name." Kuroo states as if it were fact. 

Daichi's eyes widen at the realization that Kuroo sees right through him, "Am I that obvious?" 

"You're more than obvious, you're in love." says an amused Kuroo, "And if you need a sign to finally do something, this is it."

"But what if he rejects me?" Daichi nervously asks, stress evident in his voice. 

"You think I would set you up for failure? Just ask him, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain." Kuroo says assuredly. "Trust me."

Daichi looks at Suga from afar, his eyes softening at the sight of him. Kuroo slaps him on the back, "Now's your chance." And Daichi marches forward. 

By the end of the day, Daichi sends a text to Kuroo. It says 'You were right.' and Kuroo feels an incredible sense of achievement. 

"What are you smiling about?" Kenma asks, sitting on his futon, next to Kuroo's own. 

Kuroo shows Daichi's last message to Kenma, "I have improved the lives of yet another couple." 

Kenma stares at the text, before looking at Kuroo, "Congratulations for being meddlesome yet again." 

"You know you're proud of my accomplishments." Kuroo says as he watches Kenma boot up his tablet. "Besides, I want to make you happy next."

"You already make me happy." says Kenma offhandedly, as he opens up a game to play. 

Kuroo's stomach flips at the statement, "But I want you to be happy with someone, you know?"

"You're someone." Kenma quickly counters, pressing the screen of his tablet with accurate precision. 

Something in Kuroo's head almost clicks into place, but it's quickly replaced with a need to be annoying. "Just you wait, I will find someone for you, and you will love me forever." 

Kenma only rolls his eyes, "Can't wait."

V.

"Shouyou, how do I stop myself from committing a crime." An exasperated Kenma asks Hinata the next morning during breakfast.

Hinata stops shoving rice into his mouth and looks at Kenma with concern, "Why do you want to commit a crime?"

Kenma sighs, picking at his own food with his chopsticks, "Kuro hasn't gotten the hint that I like him." 

"Oh." 

Kenma picks at his food even more aggressively, "He's an idiot and I'm a bigger idiot for falling for him." 

"Maybe you just need to change your approach?" Hinata offers, watching Kenma committing crimes on his food. 

Kenma stops stabbing his egg to look at Hinata, "What do you mean?" 

"Maybe you need to romance him so hard, the gears in his head will finally turn." Hinata suggests. "He might just need more obvious clues." 

Kenma sighs, "Maybe you're right." He looks toward the table where Kuroo sits. He's cackling over something and Kenma's heart flutters in his chest. "I despise him."

Hinata snorts, "No, you don't. You love him." 

"Unfortunately."

"Kenma, what's this?" 

"Your lunch." Kenma states calmly, despite the fact that he's internally panicking at his actions. They've just finished morning practice and Kenma finally got the courage to shove the bento of food he made the night before into Kuroo's hands. 

"You made me lunch?" Kuroo asks, befuddled. 

"Yes." Kenma squeaks. 

Kuroo looks inside the bento. "You made me fish, how nice of you." he then puts the lunchbox inside his bag for safekeeping. "So, are you ready for me to walk you to class?" 

Kenma nods, unable to process how stupid his best friend is. "I hope you like it." He says as an afterthought, because clearly this was not enough for Kuroo to understand. 

The rest of Nekoma watch the exchange with the same level of horror as watching a traffic accident unfold in front of them. 

Kai speaks first, "He really doesn't get it, does he?" 

"We have to do something," Yaku says, making up his mind. "Kenma is suffering."

The rest of the team nod in agreement. 

They're curled up in bed, when Kuroo asks him again if he currently likes someone. 

"I have regrets." Kenma says, putting away his phone before turning around to face Kuroo. 

"That doesn't really answer my question." Kuroo says, reaching out to play with Kenma's hair. "But I'm sure they're nice." 

_The kindest person I'll ever know_ , Kenma thinks, scooting closer to Kuroo's warmth, not continuing the conversation.

Kenma falls asleep as Kuroo combs his fingers through his hair. Kuroo looks at his best friend and feels a sense of inexplicable yearning he cannot fathom, so he doesn't. 

"Alright Kuroo, we need to talk." Yaku says one day during their class break. 

"It's about Kenma." Kai joins in soon after. 

"Kenma? What's wrong with Kenma? Do I need to punch someone?" Kuroo panics, ready to fight the hypothetical someone that hurt Kenma. 

"No you buffoon, put your fists down." Yaku scolds. "It's about your feelings for Kenma." 

"He's my best friend and I love him to death, we all know this." Kuroo says easily. "Why is it important that I reiterate that?" 

Yaku looks at Kai, who's placid face brings him inner peace, "Please help him understand." 

Kai turns to Kuroo, and suddenly Kuroo feels disaster looming. "You're in love with Kenma." Kai states as if he's reciting the news. "And he loves you back. 

Kuroo short-circuits in that moment, unable to process the punch he's just received in the gut after hearing Kai's news report. "What?" 

"You heard us, you clown. God you're hopeless" Yaku responds, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly irritated. "You're able to tell when others are in love, but you suck at your own love life." 

"WHAT?" 

Yaku folds his arms over his chest, "You know exactly what has been said." 

"But how?" is all Kuroo can really say, still absolutely bamboozled by the revelation. 

"And the man calls himself a romance connoisseur." Yaku lifts his hands in defeat. "Have you ever thought about how Kenma makes you feel?" 

Kuroo blinks at the question, "He makes me feel happy and secure, like a warm blanket." There was no doubt in his mind that Kenma's existence brought him great joy, he was absolutely sure that there would be no one better than Kenma in his life and he knew for a fact that their bond was spec— 

_"Oh."_

Kai and Yaku look at Kuroo as he makes an important realization. After an agonizing three minutes of silence, Kuroo finally reacts, "I'm in love with Kenma." 

"Finally, some sense, and it only took ten years." Yaku says in his annoyance.

Kai puts his hand on Kuroo's shoulder, "You should talk to Kenma." 

Kuroo, whose brain has effectively exploded, just nods at Kai's encouragement, unable to process into words how he's feeling, so instead he says, "Is this real life?" 

Yaku groans and Kai's last shred of hope in Kuroo deteriorates. 

They're walking home from school when Kenma decides to grab Kuroo's hand and measure it against his own. 

"Uh," Kuroo says, trying to communicate words, but he's still too fried from his revelation of the day. 

"Your hands are bigger than mine," Kenma muses, as if they didn't already know this before. "I like that."

Kuroo combusts into flames and clears his throat. "I like that too, " he wheezes out, words hurting his throat as they leave him. 

Kenma must sense something is amiss, because he looks directly at Kuroo, who just died seven times and is about to die once again. "Are you okay?" 

"Peachy." Kuroo croaks, unable to say how much he hates himself for being such an idiot. 

Kenma isn't convinced, but he drops the subject, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to want to open up another can of worms. 

They make it outside Kenma's door without another incident, Kenma's mind going into overdrive for what he's about to do. "Kuro." Kenma says getting Kuroo's attention. 

"Hmm?" 

"I need to give you something." He continues, walking up to a confused Kuroo, before standing on his tippy-toes and brushing his lips against his cheek. "Thanks for everything." And then Kenma runs inside his house, leaving the murder scene behind him. 

It takes twenty minutes for Kuroo to get his bearings and process what just happened. He's been standing outside Kenma's house this whole time trying to revive his mental state. "I need to talk to Kenma." he says to no one in particular, because he really needs to at this point. He's not sure he'll survive another day of manslaughter if this keeps up, and he's only been aware of his feelings for less than ten hours. 

So he takes a step forward and then several more. Kenma's mom opens the door for him, he greets her kindly, before walking quietly upstairs to Kenma's room. For some reason he doesn't feel like barging in like he usually does, instead he knocks lightly, hoping Kenma doesn't freak out when he sees him. 

It takes a couple minutes, but then a soft "Come in" is heard from inside Kenma's room and Kuroo turns the knob and enters. Kenma is laying on his bed, no console in hand and Kuroo already knows something is wrong. 

"Is-Is everything okay?" Kuroo stammers, unable to say words, but wanting to know how Kenma feels all the same. 

Kenma turns his head toward Kuroo's direction, eyes widening when he realizes who's standing there. "Kuro," he breathes, "W-what are you doing here?" 

Kuroo finds the power inside of him to move forward and sit on the edge of Kenma's bed, "I wanted to...talk." 

Kenma readjusts himself so he's in the corner hugging his knees, "About what?" he asks, like if he didn't know exactly why they were having this conversation. 

Kuroo looks down at his socked feet, "I" he begins, unsure how to formulate sentences. What can he even say anyway? That he loves Kenma? That he's a massive idiot for not realizing sooner? That he's panicking and the only person that can soothe him is the reason for his panic? 

"Kuro, breathe." He feels a reassuring hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Kenma standing right in front of him. He looks worried and Kuroo wants to make it better. He reaches up to brush aside a stray hair that's fallen in front of Kenma's face, he looks ethereal in the harsh light of the room and Kuroo can't help but fall harder. 

"I love you," Kuroo whispers, and it comes out as easily as a spring breeze, gentle and warm. His heart feels full, he loves Kenma, he's never been more sure of anything in his life. 

Kenma doesn't say anything, instead he brushes Kuroo's own hair aside, a small smile gracing his lips and a softness in his eyes, and Kuroo wants Kenma to look at him like this forever. 

"Kuro," Kenma finally speaks, as he continues to brush Kuroo's fringe away from his eyes. "Please tell me this is real." 

Kuroo chuckles, giddy with his love for Kenma and pulls him forward, hugging his torso. "You're ridiculous, you know?" he says as Kenma hugs him back in their awkward position.

"I just don't want to jump to conclusions." Kenma says, though he knows he's being ridiculous too. 

"And I thought I was the idiot," but there's really no bite in Kuroo's statement.

"You are though." Kenma says, as he combs his fingers though Kuroo's hair, "the absolute worst one imaginable." 

"Hey now, I got my shit together." Kuroo pouts into Kenma's stomach.

"Took you too long." 

"Will you ever forgive me?" 

Kenma feigns thinking, "I suppose I can forgive you if you do one thing for me." 

"Anything." Kuroo says without hesitation. 

"Kiss me." 

Kuroo looks up at Kenma, who's now hiding behind his hair and can't help but smile. He reaches up to cup Kenma's face in his hands, and brings him down to eye level, brushing away his hair in the process. Kenma's face feels warm and his eyes are wide and Kuroo briefly wonders if his state is any different. 

Kissing Kenma feels like coming home. There's no spark, there's no release of emotions, just the feeling that he's finally made it where he needs to be. He takes his time memorizing how Kenma's lips feel on his own, never wanting to feel anything else for the rest of his life. 

When they separate, Kuroo finds himself with Kenma on his lap. He doesn't remember when they had transitioned to this position, but he's not complaining. Kenma doesn't seem to care either, leaning forward with the intention of kissing Kuroo again. 

"I didn't kiss you right." Kenma says breathlessly and the air tickles Kuroo's face. "Can I try again?"

Kuroo closes the distance as an answer, and they try again and again. 

"Gentlemen and Lev." Kuroo announces as they walk into the clubroom the next morning, "I have an announcement to make." 

"Why am I not a gentleman?" Lev asks.

"Don't listen to him, he's just an ass." Yaku soothes, patting his boyfriend's back. 

"Anyway," Kuroo continues, "I'm happy to announce that Kenma and I are together now."

The team looks at Kuroo with indifference, before going back to getting ready for practice. 

"Oh come on, this is important." Kuroo whines. 

"We're happy for you, but we knew this already." Kai offers sympathetically, "You're just an idiot." 

Kenma tries not to snort at the jab, but fails. Kuroo just looks at him with hearts in his eyes and realizes, for the first time, what romance really is. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are much appreciated, thank you for the read!! 
> 
> I'm over at [@wrenrouge](http://twitter.com/wrenrouge/) on twitter and [@wrenrouge](http://wrenrouge.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you wanna holla at me.


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